Title: Filth in the Beauty
Chapter: 12/??
Author: sweetXsweet
Fandom: JRock, Gazette
Pairings: AoiXRuki, RukiXUruha, KaiXAoi (slightly)...
Overall Rating: PG to NC
Genre: smut-fluff
Summary: It's not natural, his beauty... It's not like anything Ruki have known his whole life. But the sudden alter is just a little too much for Ruki, he can't get himself too deep into this...
Comment: Back from vacation!!! Hell... Hanging around with infants is just... Entertaining, sometimes. But I got to laugh a lot, and that's a great feeling (remembering I still have some stressful days to survive through).
And... I brought you guys a gift!!! Chapter 12 is here! *grins*... Aww... I just know what you guys have been waiting for from the very first chapter. Trust me. I know. But I'm not going to make it so... easy. God I'm so mean to these boys...
*runs off to write more torturous drama*
Just... Read. Enjoy. And comment. Ne? Love ya <333
---
x-posted to![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif)
gazette_yaoi and rukitoaoi_nil
previous!
Chapter: 12/??
Author: sweetXsweet
Fandom: JRock, Gazette
Pairings: AoiXRuki, RukiXUruha, KaiXAoi (slightly)...
Overall Rating: PG to NC
Genre: smut-fluff
Summary: It's not natural, his beauty... It's not like anything Ruki have known his whole life. But the sudden alter is just a little too much for Ruki, he can't get himself too deep into this...
Comment: Back from vacation!!! Hell... Hanging around with infants is just... Entertaining, sometimes. But I got to laugh a lot, and that's a great feeling (remembering I still have some stressful days to survive through).
And... I brought you guys a gift!!! Chapter 12 is here! *grins*... Aww... I just know what you guys have been waiting for from the very first chapter. Trust me. I know. But I'm not going to make it so... easy. God I'm so mean to these boys...
*runs off to write more torturous drama*
Just... Read. Enjoy. And comment. Ne? Love ya <333
Chapter 12
The sheet smells so nice. The scent of soap that is still hovering around his body also smells so nice. Ruki breathes in deeply. Even the loneliness that's all over this room seems just perfect. Yeah. He needs to be alone at the moment. All alone. Just to get some sleep he's been dying for the whole day. Maybe there's some kind of miracle happening tonight, and in the morning, it will all be a dream...
Damn. You wish. But you know it well that it's not a dream.
Even if Ruki wishes it so badly to be a dream, a really disturbing dream, it's as real as his blood flowing heavily inside of him right now. He mumbles another curse towards his pillow, having already cursed too much for one day, lying chest down against the bed. The room's temperature is just too tempting to not doze off, but his recent regret is torturing him right now, that he feels almost unworthy of any sleep at all.
Where's Uruha? Ruki wonders even since before he got in to his room, but he didn't wait up for Uruha anyways. He's a little sorry now to be keeping some distance with Uruha, although as involuntarily as he knew he was. He didn't sit with Uruha in the bus, he peered back to find Uruha sitting with Reita, a little relieved, a little discomforted, Ruki drowned himself in his solitude until the bus reached the apartment. He knows he's wrong by keeping himself away from Uruha. Uruha is completely innocent. But maybe that's just about it. He's so innocent while Ruki's so damn guilty. Oh fuck, he's so damn guilty he could scream it out of his lungs... Then the world will all know and they would banish him out of the GazettE for cheating on his faithful lover...
Oh God.
Cheating. Cheater. Is that what he is now? Is that what he's doing?
He just cheated on Uruha, and although he's been trying to find ways to reason his way out of it, he knows he's still guilty, no matter which point of view he chooses to see the event from. Like a carousel his mind circles right back to only a few hours ago, in the pit, in the dark, inside Aoi's arms...
Aoi attacked him. For that part he's innocent enough. Aoi started the kiss. He likes to claim he's not guilty for that too. But for the part when he kissed Aoi back... When he gave up inside Aoi's embrace... When he pushed forward because he wanted to feel Aoi too...
He's so fucking guilty. And even guiltier now, when he's all alone in this room, he's actually thinking about Aoi instead of Uruha...
Ruki burries his face onto the pillow, trying to shove away Aoi's face out of his brain, useless although he tries to distract himself with Uruha's images. He breathes. Today's so fucked up, but thank God not the show. He had showed off the best acting abilities he might have possessed that he didn't even know about and threw off a spectacular show... Because that's more important than anything, than his own personal life. He would hate himself if he ever disappointed his fans. He'd do whatever it takes for the GazettE to keep giving their fans the best that they've got, even if mentally or physically they're at their worst.
Shifting his head sideways, still deep within his pillow but able to breathe now, he hears the door clicks open. He doesn't turn to see, keeping his eyes closed, he knows that Uruha has come. Feeling his heart beating nervously, Ruki is trying to arrange some reasonable words incase Uruha is still curious about his sudden change of mood today, maybe he could say he had a stomach ache or something, or he could just pretend that he's asleep already... Then he would be lying. Oh great. First he's a cheater, now he's a liar?
The steps come closer towards the bed, towards him. Ruki stays still, not even sure what to do, waiting for Uruha to approach him.
"Ruki..."
That's not Uruha's voice!
Ruki shots his head up, pushing his body so that he's sitting on top of the bed. He gasps. Oh fuck, not again... Aoi. He guessed completely wrong, it's not Uruha. "What... What are you doing here?" Ruki asks, doesn't even care if he sounds like a kid scared to his nerves by the mere sight of the dark figured guitarist. His eyes shift to the door, it's closed. No signs of help. This is even worse than the changing room just yesterday. Now he is completely shut away from the world outside. Alone. With AOI.
Fuck.
His heart speeds up twice faster in such a short range of time. He should be having a heart attack already. At least he wishes he was having one. Staring at Aoi, how the man is standing quietly, right in front of him. He can't read his face. He never could. Aoi's always such a mystery...
Startlingly, Aoi walks closer. Ruki freezes in his position, sitting tensely on top of the bed, not knowing which is better: to stay where he is and talk to Aoi about what happened today--not likely to happen, at least not in a normal conversation; or to dash off to the door, rush outside and get help... The second option is wiser, he knows that. But he seems to have lost complete control over his own body as he watches Aoi move towards the bed, slowly, until he sits down right in front of Ruki.
Ruki keeps his gaze at him. At his eyes, so dark, but so many emotions are swarming in there, jumbled randomly that he can't discern one by one. Watching his figure. At how he seems to glow from underneath his stern looks. Is it his in-depth beauty? Ruki can't be sure. Aoi always has that odd inviting aura around him. No one can reject him, now Ruki is in the situation himself, can't seem to find a way out from this. Maybe he doesn't want to...
He flinches when Aoi's hand reaches for his cheek. So softly. It lands over his skin, cold, a little trembling. Still as dumbstruck, Ruki stays still, because there seems to be nothing left for him to do, underneath Aoi's glowing presence. The feeling returns right back to him again. How wrong this situation really is, how he is endangering his relationship with Uruha, how Uruha could just walk in through the door and find him with Aoi... But the sense of Aoi's soft, caressing hand on his cheek hazes those thoughts inside his brain. If it's always like this whenever Aoi's close to him... Then this is not healthy.
"Ruki, I'm sorry..." Aoi whispers. The words seem to echo inside Ruki's head. "I'm sorry for this noon. I'm sorry for treating you like that."
Pushing himself to think straight, he strains his vocal chords to question. "Aoi... Why? Please explain, because I just don't get it, what do you want from me?"
Aoi's gaze stays right down on him. Almost so sad. Almost regretfully. Aoi moves his hand to the back of Ruki's head and rubs gently there. "What I want..." he whispers after what it seems to be a long and heart-rending moment for Ruki. "Is you, Ruki..."
That's a request, as simple or as sweet as it may have sounded, Ruki finds so hard to fulfil.
Suddenly he feels so displaced. If Ruki can judge himself right now, he would score the highest as the biggest fool in the world. He's being used. Gladly being used. Ruining his own fundamental principals. Being blind. Being a moron. Now, only with the short answer Aoi just gave him, he suddenly feels like he is going to regret just a little too many things in his life.
He's cursing himself inside his thoughts as Aoi comes closer, helplessly melting in front of those deep and emotional glare... He must have already read those eyes for so long. He has just been neglecting them.
"But Aoi..." Ruki mutters, weakly. "You're with Kai... And you know I'm with Uruha..."
A slight pain comes into Aoi's eyes, but the man keeps his gaze at Ruki. "I know that. Oh God I do know that, Ruki..." Like a reflection of his own heart, pained and vulnerable, slowly Aoi slumps forward and drops his cheek against Ruki's forehead. Ruki closes his eyes as Aoi lands a soft kiss on his eyelid. It feels so warm, but in the same time, so excruciating. "And although I know that, I still want you so much." Aoi shifts his head and then trails more kisses along Ruki's forehead towards his cheek. Still closing both his eyes as if hiding his sight away from the painful reality just outside his eyelids, Ruki moves his hand to Aoi's arm, almost as a sad reply to Aoi's words.
"Oh God if you only knew just how much... I want you..." Aoi whispers against his ear before landing a kiss there. All these kisses are so soft, almost innocent, although they are actually the guiltiest kisses Ruki's skin has ever had to endure. Unlike this noon in the pit before the live, when Aoi kissed him roughly, rushed, desperate, when Aoi pinned him against the plank. But these kisses are even more agonizing than any sort of violent ways Aoi could've been treating him this noon. If it was the other way around, if Aoi treats him bad and roughly tonight, maybe Ruki can be a little grateful, because he could just hate Aoi and shut him away, but having Aoi coming to him like this... It's so painful to finally come around, to finally understand...
Aoi's lips come to his neck. Ruki falls even deeper to oblivion as he slouches into Aoi's hold, having Aoi's hand caressing his head, and his other hand has found a way towards Ruki's back, rubbing carefully there. No signs of violence. No signs of threat. Like a limp man Ruki drops his head onto Aoi's shoulder, his hands are now clinging to Aoi's sides. "Aoi... I..." Ruki stutters. "I..."
Aoi lifts his head, Ruki knows that he's met Ruki's confused eyes. Ruki finds the same traces of regret deep inside those dark globes. "Sshh... Please don't say anything right now..." Ruki forgets whatever he was trying to say, as Aoi's lips seal his own with a gentle pressure, although it is so brief when Aoi pulls back in only a second later. "Please just... Just let us be like this. For now. Please..."
It's a plead Ruki knows he can never turn down, not to mention Aoi's sorrowful tone when he said it. But most of all, that's what Ruki also wants at the moment, suddenly the need comes over him. So he peers up against those dark eyes one more time before leaning up, catching Aoi's full lips with his own, this time feeling like he has to do it, he ignites the kiss, thinking it might be the only way to soothe these troubled atmosphere between them. Aoi replies immediately, moving his lips against Ruki's almost desperately, but slowly, not rushing like the way he did this noon. It's weird how something could feel so right and so wrong in the same time.
Ruki's hands move to Aoi's back, pulling himself even deeper into Aoi's embrace, comforted by Aoi's hand on his own back that is now rubbing smoothly up and down. His other hand is still on Ruki's head, as if giving strength and courage for the kiss although it is not even the slightest forcing.
Don't let go of me. Ever. Just... don't let go...
Ruki moves his lips, sucking at Aoi's perfect lip as if he never knew the taste of it ever before. He knew, he kissed these lips just hours ago. But this is definitely a new contact he's going through right now, this is the first time he intentionally kisses Aoi, feels Aoi, holds Aoi in a completely different way... He never knew. He never understood. If only he knew, he'd be in this situation sooner than he is now. Maybe he won't be feeling guilty. Maybe...
His tongue then follows his urge, slipping out of his mouth to ask for entrance into Aoi's. A little hesitantly, Aoi opens his mouth. Tongue and tongue rubbing each other, the feeling like Ruki has never felt before. His hands clutch on Aoi's shirt on his back as if trying to somehow keep his grip on reality, but he knows he'll falter anyways.
Ruki feels his body giving up when Aoi slowly presses forward, helplessly being pushed backwards until he senses the bed's surface against his back. He only grips tighter over the body above him, Aoi's warm body, pulling the man to lie above him. Aoi does what he's gestured to do, still deep within the kiss, placing his slim but bold figure above Ruki's, Ruki shivers into the contact he has never experienced before.
But to Ruki's disappointment, Aoi pulls back, breaking the kiss apart. He opens his eyes. There are those doubtful glare again, although Ruki knows there is as much the same want in Aoi's eyes, just as much as he has in him right now. Aoi stares down at him, the fall in his eyes is slow but apparent. "Ruki, I'm sorry..." Aoi whispers finally. Painfully.
"...What?" Ruki asks as if he didn't just hear it clearly. His hands freeze where they are, at Aoi's back.
"I've put you through too much trouble already..." Aoi mutters. "I can't do this. I can't be that mean to you..." Aoi is just about to push himself up, off of Ruki's, when Ruki feels the sudden need to pull the man back. "No! Don't go away, Aoi, please..." Ruki says persistently, his arms come encircling Aoi's neck.
"But, Ruki..." Aoi shifts, but Ruki pulls him close, kisses him again, desperately, not wanting to ever let Aoi go away. Tonight can only be tonight. And if he lets Aoi go now, in the morning he'll feel the worst regret he knows he will have ever experienced his whole life. Ruki parts away for a moment, still finding Aoi's doubt in the same place, inside those dark eyes. "You said it yourself, you want to be with me. Well... I want to be like this, with you, right now. You're not being mean to me, Aoi..." he whispers, knowing his own tone sounds like pleading. He might be pleading. He is pleading. He needs Aoi right now. "But you are being mean if you leave me now. So, just... Stay with me..."
Aoi looks at him. Deeply. Thoughtfully. Ruki knows just how fucked up this situation is, how wrong to want this man to stay tonight, to be with him tonight. He'll feel like an asshole in front of his bandmates in the morning, especially Uruha, that is if he even has the courage to face them at all. But right now... He doesn't care. He just wants Aoi.
Aoi's fingers run lightly over Ruki's forehead. All these little touches are even adding up to Ruki's urge to keep him here. They're starting to be very addictive.
"I... I don't know if I'm sure..." Ruki stutters. "I don't know... If I'm up for the chaos we're bringing to ourselves..." Flashes of Uruha, Kai, and Reita's faces come into his brain, banging his conscience with reality he is going to deal with. "All I know is that... I don't want you to go now, Aoi..."
Aoi silences. Sighing as he traces his fingers over Ruki's bangs. It's these wordless contacts that keeps torturing Ruki. He bites his lower lip, waiting for some kind of a death-daring conviction Aoi would grant him. But no words, still. Aoi only drops another soft kiss on his forehead. "I wish you knew how much I'd like to stay..."
"Then stay!" Ruki grips Aoi tighter, having the full weight of Aoi falls on top of him once again, feeling the frictions between the fabrics of his shirt, his pants...
He senses Aoi breathing heavily so close to his ear, he tingles at the sensation. Ruki starts to kiss Aoi's shoulder feverishly, wantingly. All he wants is to keep Aoi from leaving. "Just stay. I don't care. Lock the fucking door and stay here, please..." Ruki mumbles against Aoi's shoulder, speaking out the words he has never ever imagined he'd say out loud. "I want you, Aoi..."
And Aoi sighs to reply to Ruki, Ruki knows contently. He continues kissing Aoi's shoulder, upwards to his neck, wetting the track of Aoi's silky skin, biting gently at the surface under Aoi's ear, making Aoi squirm above him. Ruki gasps when suddenly Aoi shifts his hip, placing some pressure over his waking-in-need cock beneath the fabric of his pants.
"I've already locked the door..." Aoi whispers as he lifts his head, meeting Ruki's eyes with his own dark gaze, and Ruki seals his own doubt deep within his conscience by pulling Aoi close and kisses him deeply again.
---
x-posted to
gazette_yaoi and rukitoaoi_nilprevious!
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: the GazettE - REGRET
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